There is so much about motherhood that nobody warns you about, And honestly? If they did, it might scare you away from having children altogether.

We often hear about the joys of motherhood, the snuggles, the bonding, the miracle of it all — and yes, those things are real and beautiful. But what about the parts that blindside us?

The mental health struggles.

The identity shifts.

The days you don’t recognize yourself.

You’re like a phoenix rising from the ashes — only this time, you don’t recognize your own wings.

Personally, my biggest struggle is the transition. Becoming a “mom” and holding onto the woman I was before.

So now what?

I’m still me. But I’m… not. And I don’t know how to function as this new version of myself.

I never imagined I’d care so much about my own autonomy. But now, I find myself longing for the independence I once had — Being able to leave the house on a whim, run an errand without planning feedings or bringing the baby with me, or just *be* without constantly being needed.

That loss of freedom is my kryptonite right now.

 It doesn’t mean I love my baby less. I am trying to find me again, in the middle of loving and getting to know him.

Breaks from the baby help. Sometimes someone from my “village” will take a turn with the baby because let’s be honest, as the primary caretaker and a stay at home mom; this mama needs to breathe and figure out what that even looks like now.

And that’s when the guilt creeps in.

The guilt for needing or wanting a break.

The guilt for not enjoying every moment with this amazing little human.

The guilt for wondering if wanting space makes me a bad mom or makes me question my original feelings of wanting a baby.

When I finally do get a break… I feel paralyzed.

No, I don’t want to do the dishes or clean the house. But I also don’t want to “waste” this precious little time I have. My baby doesn’t take a bottle, so breaks are already rare and short— and when I get one, I spiral with pressure to make it count.

Motherhood is hard enough without this constant inner war with yourself. When you feel torn between wanting to rest and feeling like you have to be productive.

You long for space, then miss your baby while you’re away.

You want to enjoy the moment, but you’re also grieving the version of you that feels like she’s getting farther and farther away.

I’m not writing this from the other side.

I’m still in it.

Fighting through it.

Still trying to figure out who I am now.

And some days? I nail it.

I carry the baby on my hip, get things done around the house, run errands, and feel like I’m getting the hang of this!

And other days?

I call on my village.

I hand the baby over, close the door, and just breathe.

Because I need to.

Because I’m allowed to.

Being a mom doesn’t mean I stopped being a person. It means I need support. That what I’m feeling is “normal”.

This is the part nobody talks about enough.

the woman who existed before baby still matters — her voice, her needs, her identity.

Give yourself permission to feel it all.

To grieve, to grow, to rest, to ask for help.

Motherhood isn’t about being perfect.

It’s about showing up — honestly, imperfectly, emotionally… human.

And you, mama, are doing just that.

With love, truth, and no apologies —

The No Bull Mommy